“The boy may have potential even
beyond what the Lord will reveal to you. Help him aim high," President
Henry B. Eyering. These strong words of prophetic council have echoed in my
ears through this application process. I related this message to my husband, as
together we came up with our mission statement for raising youth in our home.
Raising Youth in
the Mecham Home
We are committed to the supporting and raising of youth in a
Christ centered home. We will do everything in our power to ensure that our
youth feel safe, loved and happy in our home. Our home will always be a sanctuary
from the battles of the world, a place where everyone can be accepted and
valued for who they are. We will aid and motivate them in walking fully
protected in the armor of God on a daily basis.
We will help and support them in recognizing,
developing and using their God given talents and abilities to find happiness, fulfillment
and value in life.
Sadly my husband and I have had a struggling relationship
with the anxieties, pressures and tensions of raising a youth in our home.
Sitting down together and writing this mission statement helped us open up to
each other about our struggles and disappointments, with our son and each other.
For
part of my application process I wrote down my feelings about my son in the
form of a letter to him. This is part of that letter:
I remember when you
were a little boy, you spent three and a half long years all by yourself with
me and dad. You were my entire life. We spent all day keeping each other busy
and loving each other. One day as we were driving home from a mommy and son
excursion you said, "Mom I'm gonna live with you forever." I
explained why you couldn't do that and that someday you wouldn't even want to
do that, you cried. Now that I am at the someday when you don’t want to live
with me anymore and I question whether you even love me sometimes, I am the one
with tears.
This was the best thing I could have done for my son, to
remember him as an innocent loving child who cherished his mother. These
memories help me remember what I am fighting for at a time when I am truly ready to give up. I didn’t read this letter to Matthew, that wasn’t the
purpose, but I did talk him into sitting down with me and going through his
albums to help him remember that sweet boy again too.
The
last thing I want to mention was the hardest part of the application. I call it
back to the basics. About six months ago our youth decided that life wasn’t fair
and that he wanted to be normal and the least we could do was hear him out. We
sat down with him, listened and then together we discussed his concerns
(complaints, life’s not fair). That is when I made the mistake of saying that
we are telling him “no” too often, we have to find at least a few things to say
“yes” to. So we did and our youth was satisfied at first but soon he got used
to those ideas and even complained about those, it was never enough. After
studying the topic, finding and reading quotes and praying about it I decided
it was time to get back to the basics. If he is going to complain and be miserable
anyway, we might as well stick to our guns. We held a family council and reposted
our family rules. He sat quiet through the entire meeting and then went up to
his room. These past few weeks have been so great, he seems happier with the
rules back in place. I am grateful for this application process, it challenged
me to write down feelings, communicate, set guidelines, look past faults, be
more positive and try to better understand my son. This has been an encouraging
experience for our family.
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